FIT girls, oh MY

To say the least, last night was WILD, but Viennagram shows always are. There are a bunch of people staying at my apartment right now sort of because my boyfriend's band played a show in NYC last night (and is playing another show tonight) at LIT lounge and most of them live in or around Providence, RI. We're hosting some of the other band members and friends that came for the fun. After a very relaxing day of hanging around the house and having some good clean fun we head over to Lit to get things started. There was really only one other band worth mentioning, CONTROLLAR, but they didn't really bring much of a crowd. There must have been a total of 20 people spread throughout the downstairs at this point. Everyone was enjoying themselves and having fun.

The Viennagram played last and was incredible. Lots of dancing and jumping around. The trouble began pretty much as soon as the show was done when, Connie, one of the girls staying at my house told us that some gay guy had grabbed her and, Melissa, one of the other girls from my house got really pissed off by that and looked over at the group of people who had done it and saw them laughing in our direction. She really wanted to go over to them and talk to them about it and explain that it was inappropriate and really not funny at all but our other friend, Anjelica recognized the kids from her school and decided to smooth things over herself. However Melissa was slightly impatient and went to talk to them herself. To me it looked like one of the bitches tried to hit Melissa so I got heated and went over there screaming about them trying to fuck with my friends and started throwing punches only to be held back by Joebaby of the Viennagram. I still got in some good hits and kicks. It frustrated me at first but looking back I realize that he was probably just trying to keep the venue from banishing them like most of the venues in Providence had. Then we went up stairs and I saw the girls and we all started yelling at each other about "coming over here" because none of us wanted to throw the first punch but then they came over and i tackled one of them to the ground and 2 more jumped on top of us. I was trying to fight fair using my fists but all these girls wanted to do was pull my hair and scratch at my face. Eventually the got pulled off of me but the fight restarted 3 or 4 more times. It was ABSOlUTELY OD. I can't believe how crazy shit got. Anyway, it was a night to remember. It took me about 2 hours to calm down after the fact but I went back to my house with my boyfriend and all of our guests to do some youtube karaoke which was amazing!

The END.

much is forgotten

I'm really frustrated right now because i already wrote a good portion of this and then I accidently unplugged my computer and lost it all! I HATE it when that happens. Why does my computer battery magically stop working and it's the only thing NOT covered by applecare? Glad I pay out the ass for that.

Anyhow... back to what I was originally on about...I can barely remember anything from when I was younger. That's mostly due to being stoned and insane. I used to live in THE MOMENT back then. I didn't care who was affected. I didn't care who's toes i stepped on, who laughed with me or at me, if I looked stupid. Now I feel so limited by being 20. That started when I turned 16 actually. I don't know about anywhere else in America but in NY turning 16 means you can legally get in trouble for shit and it goes on your record and then YOU DIE. Jk but still I had to grow up. Smoking L's on the street, drinkin 40's in the park, breaking into piers to have something poetic to look at slowly started coming to an end. I had to take life much more seriously. Now when my friends talk about sleeping on the street I think it's retarded but then i eventually come to realize...oh shit i've been there! I'm such a hypocrite. It's like I'm turning into my MOTHER or my sister. Both are terribly scary thoughts. They don't know how to have fun. I partied so hard when I was younger that drinking and getting fucked up seem so boring to me. I went throught friends having alcohol poisoning, passing out on the street, smoking laced weed without knowing it, making out with every guy/girl I saw, joining "the vampires", being gay, running away from home, and so much more before the age of 17. Around that time I started dating this kid who was about 2 and 1/2 years old than me. Everything he did, his recklessness went from being enticing to being such a drag. I constantly had to watch out for him when he got too fucked up, be there when his friends thought he was lame and calm him down when his mom wouldn't give him money and I realized...what good is that? I yelled at him for still living with his mom and not having a job because he was 20 and now i'm in that situation as well. I wouldn't say I'm half as bad as he is. Most of the time I'm making my own money. I don't cry about my parents having bfs/gfs and I always take care of my own but now i'm torn. My responsibilities are holding me back in a time when I want to feel free and express myself. I want to f shit up but i know that I'm gonna have to end up picking up all the pieces or somebody else who had zero to do with it... has anyone found a balance? I look forward to the day that I do.