free write

this has no point. sometimes i feel like writing when i have absolutely nothing to say. maybe i'm just censoring myself which is really stupid because nobody reads this but me. maybe i'm afraid to see who i really truly am but then again we're different every day. right now i have the illest cramps ever. it feels like apendisitis all over again. can you have that twice? deffos not. i just got back from nolan and bens house which was really nice. ben walked me to the train when i was leaving. he's a sweetheart i didn't even have to ask. i feel so super crummy. i wish there was something i could do to let my anger go or my sadness or whatever. this could be it. it feels like i've let all of my beliefs go like you choose to be happy and you make your own purpose. whenever i choose to be happy or choose to let something that bothers me go i think that i'm letting people walk all over me. i have a whole new set of problems now. it goes to show that we're always growing and changing and always have shit to work on. the dogs got into the litter box again... oddly enough they only like one of them which is good i guess. it's nice to finally have them home. i want to sleep but i feel guilty. the house is a mess but i'm not gonna clean it now anyway. i wanna watch twin peaks but i can't without dan. maybe i can do it in secret and then watch it with him again another time. i'm feeling sick to my stomach. i say feel a lot feel feel feel. blah blah blah. the end.